Until one becomes a mother, it is nearly impossible to understand the depths of a mother’s love. The “Mama Bear” instinct to protect at all costs can only be earned through 9 months of gestation and countless hours of labor pains. Even though I am a mother and had been one for 20+ years when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I still lost sight of how this disease, my disease, rocked my mother’s world. It wasn’t until I stopped and thought about how I would feel if it had been my own daughter was I able to comprehend my mom’s feelings of devastation, panic and utter helplessness.
My mom is no stranger to the “c” beast. She has watched as family members and loved ones have lost the fight. I can’t begin to imagine nor will I attempt to say I understand. It is impossible to grasp the horror she feels/felt. Today she shares her thoughts on the “c” demon and how her faith is what moves her beyond the fear and pain.
Mom, you were and are there for me…always. Your faith is strong and solid and I have learned by your example. No words can express my gratitude for all you do…for who you are. I love you!
When I hear the word “cancer” I can’t help but get a lump in my throat and a prayer on my lips…”God please send us a cure.” I have seen throat and lung cancer take my dad to heaven at the age of 67. My sister has been battling leukemia for 9 years and is now in the final stages of it at the age of 62. It is not something that is new to me nor do I think one kind or another deserves more attention. It is ALL bad.
I think the worst for me was to hear my daughter, Lisa, tell me she has breast cancer and if I came to be with her I had to promise not to “freak out” or “lose it”. I knew it was bad but I could not imagine how bad until all the doctors appointments during the following 2 weeks. Sitting there, listening to all the doctors had to say was as if someone was hitting me with a ball bat. You never expect this to happen to your child, even if she is older. You still don’t expect it.
By the way, I didn’t “freak out”. Not in front of Lisa, anyway. But on weekends at home, I would lay in the floor and cry and talk to my Lord and Savior. You see, I had always taken care of her, such as when she was fifteen months old. She had an ear infection and could not sleep. I sat with her in my arms all night because that was the only way she could get some rest. But this time I couldn’t do anything like that.
Still, I wanted to be there for her and I was…in person. When friends helped…I was in prayer. I grew closer to GOD. I knew HE was the only ONE who could help her. HE taught me so much about Himself and HIS plan for all of us. HE also allowed me to see what a brave, courageous, strong-willed young lady my daughter is. As I watched her go through all the tests and the things the doctors had to do and all the chemo, I was amazed at her strength. I knew the Lord was taking care of her and that she was really HIS. HE only allowed me to be her earthly mother. To hear that chemo could give you worse than what you already have yet it was the only medication available was not easy. But I was grateful for it and thanked God for it and how HE helped Lisa through all the side effects.
To say you feel helpless, scared and broken-hearted would be an understatement. I can’t describe the feelings. I know to try to be a care taker for someone you love is a job you can’t do alone…especially if you are trying to hold it all together and not “lose it”. I only made it with the help of my Savior. I will forever thank HIM and praise HIM for all HE has done for Lisa and me.
Cancer not only affects the person who has it. It also reaches its claws out to family and friends. It is a mean beast. So for all the ones who have gone through the battle and the ones that will go through it, I am praying for a cure. I also pray that God will be especially close to them and their loved ones. That HE will change their lives as HE did mine. Most of all, I pray that HE will be glorified in all of it because God is good and merciful.