After introducing you to our dear friend Mona…”The Other Woman”…aka Keith’s GPS, I thought I might share how she came to be part of our lives. As with most things in my world, it involves a little story…
As long as I have known Keith, he has wanted a Garmin GPS system but would never pull the trigger as the one he wanted was, in his words, overpriced. To his delight, this past Thanksgiving, they went on sale…and it was a really goooooood sale. The only drawback, the offer was good only while supplies lasted and of course they would be the spotlighted item for the Day After Thanksgiving sale.
Anyone who really knows me is well aware that I HATE shopping on this day. I will not venture toward a mall if my life depended on it. And you can TOTALLY rule out a trip to Wally World. I cringe at the thought of darkening their doors on a regular day, much less this Day. From. Shopping. Hell! But I couldn’t resist the idea of granting one of my man’s wishes. So as everyone was going to sleep on Thanksgiving night, I claimed to suffer from insomnia and stayed up to “watch TV” so I could sleep on the couch and sneak out for some early shopping. After everyone was asleep, I proceeded to set my phone alarm for 4-freakin’-a.m. and the stage was set for operation “Surprise My Guy”.
If you have yet to brave the throngs of morons (me included) who attempt to even enter the parking lot of Walmart on this day, I offer one word of warning….DON’T!
Oh. My. GOSH! A sea of people like you’ve never seen before! Trying to play it smart, I went straight to the first sales associate I spotted upon entering the door and asked where I could find the deal of the day. I was directed to electronics. Duh! After a 20 minute search of the area, 5 minute search time…15minutes clawing my way through arms, legs and buggy wheels, I realized you had to stand in the check-out line for that department and they would retrieve one for you. Did I mention the line snaked through every aisle in the electronics department and continued into the automotive section? Yep, it took another 10 minutes just to find the end of the line. And it wasn’t a speedy line…NOPE…we moved at the speed of ice cream melting on a frozen pond in the dead of winter.
I kept asking if anyone was trying to purchase the Garmin GPS and I found it odd that no one was. But I was determined to not lose my place in line and I continued to wait. And wait I did. Minute after horrendous minute. I just kept shuffling from one foot to the other berating myself for being such a nice, giving girlfriend. Why, oh why, couldn’t I be one of those mean-ol’-bossy-won’t-do-anything-for-you girlfriends? Eventually, I broke. I left the line in search of more help. Back to the front of the store I went and I’m ever so glad I did. I had been misdirected previously as the GPS systems were a “special” item and were located in the lay-away department. Oh Buggers! Another super long line!
Always wanting to make the best of any painful situation, I tried to make nice with my fellow shoppers. You know me…gotta talk…why not to total strangers? Ummmm, not such friendly people shopping in the wee morning hours. Couldn’t strike up a conversation with anyone. I debated talking to myself. And I didn’t really worry about being singled out. NO ONE cared enough to pay me any attention! No “How are you today?”, “What price-busting deal brings you out at such an early hour?”, “Are those really pajama pants you’re wearing?”, “Hey. Lady. I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!” Nope! Not a single word came my way. So I carried on conversations with myself…in my head…just in case someone really was watching.
When I finally got to the front of the line, the sales clerk asked what I wanted to purchase. I flashed her a big ol’ smile and answered her question. Hey, she was actually talking to me. Never mind the fact she was being paid to do so. She then asked me how many I would like. I started to answer only one and then I paused to think. If I was going to go to so much trouble to get this baby, maybe I should get more than one. Could make great gifts, I might actually want one…who knew. So I answered “I’ll take 3 please.” I paid. And then I left.
I was gone a total of 3 and half hours for what should have been, under normal conditions, a 30 minute shopping trip. I let myself ever-so-quietly back in the house and……….waited. Keith is one really late sleeper. And I was one super excited chickie. I could not WAIT for him to get up and discover what I had done for him. So I turned on the TV and fought the urge to wake him up.
After several episodes of mindless TiVo’ed shows later, Keith finally came down and discovered his surprise. Of course he loved it and I was quickly named girlfriend of the year! Little did I know the monster I had created.
Every…single…time we climbed in the car, Keith had to turn on his new toy. Even a trip to the corner convenience store had to be mapped out. I was hearing the “little lady in the box” in my sleep. I quickly dubbed her “The Other Woman”. No talking in the car for fear we would miss a turn. Never mind the fact Keith drove these roads on a daily basis. He loved her so much…he named her Mona.
But the honeymoon is over. Keith no longer totally trusts her. Even before the Dairy Queen debacle, Keith returned to his former belief that a female could never have a better sense of direction that a man. Guess that’s why that testosterone-laden sense of direction took us 2 hours out of our way when returning from the beach last month.
MEN!!!! Can’t travel with ’em. Can’t live without ’em.